how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
