You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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