am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My vagina just clenched in fear
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
