I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
