you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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