I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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