He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
