I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
