Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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