Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Screwed.edu
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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