I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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