drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
