That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I currently don't understand fingers.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
