Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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