yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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