Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
