You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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