My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
