i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize