Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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