Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
