I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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