The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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