Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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