32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
