Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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