The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
