Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
