i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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