Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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