he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
