Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
