We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
