my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wear drunk well.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
