i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
