i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We need to get me chipped asap
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
