as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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