it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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