Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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