can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
false alarm, still single
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
