please come you make the beer taste better
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
