I cockslap morals
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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