What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
