from now on my penis is your penis
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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