everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
