I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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