In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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