Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
