I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Everyone says I win the strip club
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
