JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
