Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
