my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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