Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
