Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
