A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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