I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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