There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Your dad touched me again.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
