Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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