you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
