My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
