I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
