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On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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