fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
