hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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