My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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