Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she looked like the before picture.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
