Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
