i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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