I looked at my own cervix.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
